A REAL MAN

No one messes with me. No one disrespects me. Don’t even try. No one! You do that shit with suckers and fags, not with a real man like me. That’ll teach you, you big mouth mother***er, playing like you owned the bar, like that juke was all yours. Who wants to hear that stupid song over and over again, only fools like that crap. So, I tell you it’s enough, and you call me that in front of everybody there, like what do you expect?, of course something’s going to come out, a real man carries one, because you never know. Well, you tried, too, didn’t you? You reached. If not you, then me, you SOB, you mother***ing SOB. I wish I could be at your funeral to see your big fat mamma crying for you, so I could laugh right there in her face, cause she set you up from Day 1 by raising you all wrong. So now, what’s she going to cry about, like she really cared? You’re the SOB, and she’s the bitch. I’d laugh at her, I swear, and all those clowns crying by the edge of your coffin, like you weren’t the asshole that you were. Wonder if the cosmetologist can hide the hole? Make you look like a pretty boy again…

F**k you!

I just made the world better.

Damn sirens, cops got it all wrong!

Should be a law to legalize killing people like you. What do they want? Like a f**king knee jerk, somebody’s down and it’s a "murder", and their cars are all out looking for the one who survived. Trying to enforce a world without pride. God-damned cops, don’t know what’s up.

"Yeah, hi, Jean. Yeah, it’s me, I’m calling from downtown. I’m in trouble. Can’t explain. Yeah, those are sirens. Never mind. Some mofo in the bar. Yeah, I had it on me, I did him in. I’m a man. Stop fussing, and listen to me, stop talking and listen. God damn it, just listen! I need you to pack a bag for me. I got to leave for a while. God damn it, stop bugging! They’ll be headed your way soon – the cops - yeah, a couple SOBs there know me – I got to get out of town. Listen, just pack the bag, god damn it! Pants, shirts, razors, toothpaste, what the f**k? I don’t know! Money. Go down to the ATM. No, it’s not over, I love you! Chill, god damn it! It’s only till things cool down. What are you talking about, who thinks? Cowards think! You just do it – it happens! Look, god damn it, a cop car just passed by and it’s doing a u-turn at the corner. Pack the bag! Bye!"

God damn it, what an indignity! You stand up for yourself, and suddenly the whole town falls on your head like a f**king avalanche! They got it all wrong. What’s a man to do? You can’t just take it, you can’t live like that. Who said?, somebody in a book, "there’s some shit I will not eat." Yeah, you got it right!

Damn, mofos, they’re cruising slow now, looking right at me. Want to freak me, make me give myself away, break into a run. I should’ve ditched the god-damned jacket. Yeah, I’m a match. Play it cool. Subway’s in two blocks. But unless the train pulls in at that very instant – anyhow, they got radios.

F**k, it’s like the whole world doesn’t give a damn about your pride, and it’s a murder. Period. I’m a real man, that should be in the law books.

Apartment building. I’ll get in, I’ll buzz all the bells like when me and the boys used to play hide-and-seek, some sucker will be expecting somebody and let me in. Then what? Look for a back way out? Take a hostage? F**k no, then I’ll really be screwed.

Damn mofos, you got an asshole all up in your face, and do what comes naturally, and suddenly you’re fighting the whole world. One mofo down, and you’re in Iraq.

Mofos, hear they come!

"Stop! Stop!"

Damn, their guns are out! Fat, slow shits! Someone open! Open! God damn it, doesn’t anyone ever visit you?

"Put your hands up or we’ll shoot!"

"Who is it?"

"Who’s there?"

Just open, mother***er! "Hi, I forgot my key."

"Put your hands up!"

Sweet, sweet buzzer!

Look for steps! Quick! Steps! Cops are in now, too! Damn it! Down into the basement! Back way out – got to be a back way out!

Damn! SOB, should’ve kept his f**king mouth shut! If he hadn’t said that! He had no right to say that! How’s it me who’s breaking the law? Is it illegal to be a man?

Lady with laundry: grab her! No, don’t do the hostage thing! They’ll lock you up and throw away the key!

Yo, shut up, bitch, I didn’t touch you!

There, the door. Damn, what the hell, it’s stuck! Kick it! Kick it! Harder!

They’re right behind me.

Out! All right, I’m in the yard, now.

F**k! A fence, 8 feet; barbed wire.

No stopping now. Up! Up!

"Stop, or we’ll shoot!"

F**k! Cut up like a mother***er!

Damn! That way! Quick!

How’d I let myself get this out of shape? Quick, before they come around the other side!

Be cool! Walk this part. Be cool.

Yeah, right, you look cool with your jacket torn to shreds and your bloody hands. You blend in with everything, you mother***er! Looks like you just got jumped by a pitbull!

So am I supposed to take that shit sitting down?

None of this happens if I’m a faggot and let him diss me in front of the whole world.

Damn! Sirens from that way, now! Duck! Behind this car! Damn, get under it! Can you get under it? Squeeze, baby, squeeze! What the f**k, they got this many policemen in New York City? More policemen than rats on the subway tracks! Am I the only thing going on tonight?

Footsteps. Quiet! Stop breathing. Shut up heart, you’re making too much noise. …Oh, sweet Jesus, they’re going to pass me by. That’s it, baby! Keep walking! Sweet Jesus!

A man needs his pride. Without it, he’s nothing. The hell with the laws, I wasn’t born to crawl. No one talks to me like that.

God, my hands hurt. After they’ve gone, I crawl out from underneath this car, then what? I’ve lost too much time. They’ll be at Jean’s pad. I’ll have to bolt. Will they have the Port Authority covered? I’ve got to get a bus out. No, they’ll have undercover there. More cops than roaches in this city. Got to get some money.

Damn it, nobody talks to me like that! I’m a real man, I don’t take that kind of shit!

Me against the world. Yeah, I can do that. Bring it on, I’m a man!

"Hello, Jean. Yeah, it’s me. What? Already? Hang up!" Damn! Damn!

What now?

Willy’s up in Boston. Like they won’t think of that?

Mofo, why’d you have to have such a big mouth? Now look! I wish I could go to your funeral, I’d spit right into your coffin! I’d wipe off all that make-up, I’d show everybody where the hole is.

Damn it, here they come again. Footsteps. No dogs. Good. Shit! They’ve stopped! Talking about bloodstains. Am I bleeding that much? More feet. Damn!

"Come on out, we know where you are! Show us your hands! Show us your hands, or we’ll blow your f**king head off!"

Damn! Damn! No orange jump suit for me!

"Come on out! Show us your empty hands! You make one wrong move, and you’re dead!"

Yeah, so brave, all those cops, got the whole world on their side. I’m the man, and they’re going to cuff me and talk more shit and throw me in the slammer, like meat to the piranhas. I’m not a big man, without my weapon I’m f**ked! The size of your heart doesn’t matter.

"Is he still there?"

"He’s not moving!"

"Look, you’re surrounded! Show us your hands and come out, or we’ll blow you away! You have the right to a lawyer, and to a trial. You can make your case in court. At least you’ll have a chance. If you try to fight your way out, your chances are zero."

Damn mofo, why’d he have to talk to me like that? Brave men don’t surrender. F**k them! F**k them!

"Come on out! Don’t be an idiot! We don’t want to kill you, but we’re ready to if you make us!"

Damn, this is hopeless. It’s not right! Surrounded like a god-damned lion by a pack of dogs! Why’d he say that to me? It’s not fair, now the whole world’s on me, and all I did was hold my head up high. No one calls me that! No one!

"Are you coming out or not? Get ready!"

Damn it! It’s not fair! It’s not fair! Is this the fate of real men?