POEMS/LYRICS BY JRS 11

 

Going To ...  

Just Tonight  

Wanting You 

Half-Life 

Near And Far 

Hattin And You  

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Falling 

The Me In Your Mind 

Friendly Fire  

With Me Or Without Me  

The Comet

The Stendhal Effect 

Your "No"  

No:  The Appendix 

Fishbowl Love 

Infatuation

It's Hard To Say No

Creaking Ceiling 

What I Heard A Green-Leafed Tree, Where A Woman Hanged Herself, Say One Night 

Let Me Put The Crown Back On Your Head 

Crisis Of Confidence  

Singing 

 

 

 

Going To -----

 

Now,

youíre the reason

Iím not ending it.

Even though you donít know me,

Iíve started the pilgrimage towards you.

Towards your

wounded beauty,

drowned in booze,

towards your wild dancing

in the temple,

towards your flashes of light,

your thunder,

and the tears on your cheeks

at night -

I can see them

dripping down

from your poems,

and touch the softness you

tried to throw away

and hide behind the hardness

of your face.

I can see the child, still,

behind the ruthless ambition,

the only way

not to fall into the hole

of not being seen:

the war of the child

to be loved,

adorned now

with the womanís body

that grew out of the darkness

to become your weapon.

And I have come to feel

the edge of that weapon.

I have come, tonight, for your magic

and your loneliness,

to disappear for a moment

beneath your

goddess- vulture

wings.

I have come

and I am coming

from the desert

where you and I were born.

I have come

and am coming,

the poorest of your suitors,

with no wealth,

with nothing but a knowledge

of the emptiness,

which is a knowledge

of you.

I have come to be saved,

for just one moment of love

with no other expectation,

for just one moment

worshipping at the holy site

of you.

And I have come to save you,

to return you to the center of the Universe

when I break down

in your arms,

crying because of you,

overwhelmed and drowned by you;

my ecstasy and my helplessness

are coming

to restore you to your

pedestal.

Two worlds

fitting together perfectly

for a moment.

I need nothing more,

and you will be able

to find many others

like me.

I am coming to you,

though you donít know me yet.

I am coming to you,

I am coming to you,

I am comingÖ

 

Back To Top

 

Just Tonight

 

Itís been a long time

since Iíve been touched.

A long time.

I donít need it to be real, anymore.

Fake is fine.

Just fine.

A part of the assembly line.

A feather in your cap.

Your getaway car for a night.

Just a body

without a head.

It can be all about you,

(bury me

between your thighs

then say

good-bye),

or something you can buy.

The ghost

still has a few coins

to buy his way into the

theater

where his body

is the star.

Yes, think of

something you can buy

and look past

the

dying corpse

that still wants

to be alive,

Iíll be your new pair of jeans

or dress,

just play the role,

touch me,

some people

even pet

lizards,

hold snakes,

touch me,

hold me

just a minute,

lie to me,

lie to me,

like the doctor

who says "Youíre going to make it"

in spite of the giant

pool of blood,

think of someone you once loved

and let me

feed on the crumbs.

Let me disappear into

the echoes of caresses,

yours and mine.

Touch me,

touch me,

itís been so long,

itís been so long,

my bodyís falling to pieces

like a house not lived in

for years,

swept away by the wind,

broken

by the weight of memories

in its walls,

brittle with the loss

of things

that were everything.

Touch me:

this ancient,

crumbling house

that was once

filled with singing,

this empty shell

of life lying,

still longing,

in the desert.

Touch me

and pretend,

for you

and me.

Touch me,

letís

close our eyes

and dream.

Letís leave reality

behind,

it was never real,

anyway,

our joys never came

from it.

Letís touch.

Letís dream.

Letís touch.

Letís pretend.

Just tonight.

Please.

Just tonight.

 

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Wanting You

 

Wanting you

was a fire

that could not last

forever.

It could burn

infinity,

it could use up

all the fuel

of a

poetís eye

and a martyrís heart.

For years

you danced

with your flame body

over the log

of my patient soul,

my boundless longing,

you were all around me

like a cloud

of light.

I saw nothing,

felt nothing

that was not you,

all my pain

became the pain

of waiting

for you

and I had no hope

but you.

But the fire

could not last.

Like the brightest star,

whose immolation is

too passionately ferocious,

gives way

first

to the night,

gives the black back

to itself

before

the softer, more cautious

star

that thinks too much of itself

and

leaves loveís fierce decree

of death

to the side,

so I was ignited by you

into oblivion.

And then the letters stopped;

and only poems were left behind,

like ashes,

staining the beautiful white

canvas

of the life

I had

before

I met you;

the beautiful white

canvas

on which

nothing else

can ever be painted.

 

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Half-Life 

 

 

Your half-life

is one thousand years.

For that long

no one else

will be able to live here.

The radiation

of having you

and then not having you

has turned my heart into a

wasteland.

 

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Near And Far

The one who is far

is gentle as a breeze,

the one who is near

is like a stormy sea.

The one who is far

is like a ray of light,

the one who is near

is like the mystery of the night.

The one who is far

shines on me like a sun,

the one who is near

makes both the demons and the angels run.

Near and far:

they fill my dreams;

and I, in perfect balance

live between them,

and without them -

in a kind of dance

that seems to be still -

like an egret, silent,

standing in the lake.

I am a captive

of near and far,

crushed between them,

alone between them,

loving both,

which dooms me to be

without either one:

without the storm or

sun; trapped

in a place

where two is none.

 

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Hattin And You

 

Donít ask me to

wait so long.

The mighty Crusaders

were beaten by water.

For all their great war horses -

thunder and muscle,

burning eyes and sweat of battle -

for all their ferocious lances

and terrible swords,

a drink of water

was all they needed

and all they did not have,

for a drink of water

they fell

crying, beaten in the desert.

No, my love,

I cannot go on

without you,

not for another day.

Without the drink

of you

Iíll die,

Iíll die the death

of going to another.

Iíll give up

the dream of your unequaled

eyes,

it will be over,

in the desert

of this waiting.

For a drink - one drink -

of you.

 

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She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not  

 

 

She loves me

She loves me not

She loves me

She loves me not

She loves me

She loves me not

And one day

the flower

was gone.

 

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Falling

 

Iím going to die

or become enlightened.

I donít think thereís any other choice.

This pain is too great to bear,

itís driving me

to the grave

or to the light.

Iím falling

falling,

whatís there?

I canít take any more,

Iím falling,

whatís there,

whoís there,

who am I,

is there an I?

Whose pain is this

and whatís behind it,

the place I seek

or the place Iím running from?

Iím falling,

Iím falling,

I tried so hard

to hold onto you

but you werenít there,

you went

to plan

our meeting,

you went to decorate

the future

with the love

that was growing

between us,

but the room

will remain empty

now,

Iím falling.

Where were you?

Iím falling.

Is anyone meant

to find his own way,

is anyone

really able

to stand on his own?

Iím falling

falling,

soon Iíll be dead

or Iíll be an angel

you were the middle ground

but then you went

and Iím falling

falling,

I wanted you so much,

but Iím falling

falling

falling

falling

without you

fallingÖ

Falling to myself?

Falling to nothing?

Falling to what I always

wanted?

It doesnít matter -

to some place without you,

fallingÖ

 

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The Me In Your Mind  

 

 

The me in your mind

isn't me.

The rain doesn't fall

on the me in your mind,

you keep him

warm and dry.

The snow doesn't freeze

the me in your mind,

you have a fireplace that's always

burning for him.

The loneliness doesn't hurt

the me in your mind,

you're always right there with him,

telling him

how much you love him.

The me in your mind

isn't me.

I'm outside of your mind,

wet and cold,

wearing all the night.

The me in your mind

isn't me.

He's like a pet dog,

you keep him at the foot of your bed

while a man lies

dying in the street outside.

The me in your mind

isn't me.

 

In fact,

he's the one

who's kept you from me,

my worst enemy.

 

The me in your mind

isn't me.

 

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Friendly Fire

 

I went down from friendly fire.

From you.

 

You said you thought

you loved me

but that was as far

as it got.

The love you sent

into the universe for me

fell short,

it landed

right on my head.

And now,

my love for you

is just a white cross in the sand.

Waiting until the end of time.

You didnít come -

but even so -

"Here lies your man."

 

I went down from friendly fire.

From you.

You said things

that made me dream,

and in this gray world,

dreams kill, when

they donít come true.

Your love awakened dreams

it could not

answer,

it revealed

emptiness

it could not fill.

And my love for you

is just a white cross in the sand.

Waiting until the end of time.

You didnít come -

but even so -

"Here lies your man."

 

I went down from friendly fire.

From you.

You were going to change things,

you were going to bring laughter back,

to bring the sun,

to end the cold,

to make lost things blossom,

to rekindle the flame

of a great and wounded heart.

But your light

turned out to be only the

final ally

of the dark.

I raised my head

towards hope

and crawled out of the

trench

of tearful endurance -

where your

unkept promises

found their mark.

And my love for you

is just a white cross in the sand.

Waiting until the end of time.

You didnít come -

but even so -

"Here lies your man."

 

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With Me Or Without Me

I am angry

because you didnít give me

what I wanted.

Yes, I am angry

because you didnít give me

what I wanted.

But there is a whole universe of you

that doesnít have anything

to do with me;

and it came first.

It has first claim

on your soul

and I could only

matter more than it

by invading

who you are

with the dark army of my fear.

But I donít want

a broken you,

I donít want a shadow you,

I donít want me,

all over again,

in the form of you.

Iím tired of me,

I want someone new

and difficult,

like climbing a mountain.

I want you.

 

I want a labyrinth

to wander in

forever,

a great complex space

behind a "yes"

where I can get lost.

Itís time I got lost.

Iíve known everything for

too long.

I want a

person

whoís a voyage.

I want you.

 

You didnít give

me what I wanted,

but you came before me

and my

demeaning needs.

Make me rise,

donít bend down towards me.

Make me rise.

What you can give me

will be enough.

What I wanted

would not have changed a thing,

it would have left me with no one but myself,

disguised as you and me.

You came before me.

Make me rise.

Let me travel in your universe,

donít let me take it from you,

donít let me turn you

into familiar ground.

Just let me travel through your universe,

towards a kiss,

or a no,

you will know,

you will know what to do,

and that is what I want.

I want you.

With me or without me.

 

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The Comet  

 

 

The comet

went by.

Why wouldn't you stay

and be

a star

in my empty night?

 

I'm a comet.

Your love

can't change that.

 

When you love a comet

as though it

were a star,

you lose love,

it just becomes pain.

 

When you hate

something

because it is itself

you demean yourself

with injustice.

 

No, I won't be cruel,

I won't blame you

for not staying.

You had somewhere to go

and it wasn't me.

 

She was beautiful

and she made one page

of my life beautiful.

Now I must go back

to the book

of the night and me.

 

If I were a comet, too,

I wouldn't be alone.

But I wasn't.

And she was.

 

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The Stendhal Effect

When I looked at you

it was the Stendhal Effect.

I couldnít stop crying

to see such beauty right in front of me.

To hear your voice

saying my name.

My name,

which brought you

crashing over me

in overwhelming waves.

It was like flying into Heaven

after a pointless brutal death,

like being welcomed by angels

into a world of light,

after spending lifetimes in the mud,

it was like finding

everything beautiful lost

along the way,

like having the world

played back

without the cuts

and lies,

without the terrible emptiness

that made me cry

when I saw you.

Before you,

there was nothing,

nothing left before my eyes,

only this sea of

disappointment and loss

frozen deep inside:

but when I saw you,

it was as if you had returned

the world.

And the tidal wave

of lost things

came alive,

and burst out

at your feet

as a poem

and a man.

What word can explain you?

Perfection?

No! You are so imperfect -

yet with perfect flaws.

You did not

stoop to anything

so low

as invulnerability,

but fell

wounded

by my side.

You brought the tears of what

the universe always wanted

crying down on desert ground.

In your presence

I let go

of everything

that got

in the way of life,

until even my pain

was beautiful.

I died and was

born again

looking at you.

Just looking at you.

 

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Your "No"

 

"No"

fell on me

like a thousand pounds.

"No"

hit me

like a rolled-up newspaper

hits a fly,

all my dreams

were splattered

without a chance

and suddenly

I felt

like a naked fool

standing in the snow

with all the world watching,

and no one coming out to help.

And the train of you

just went on,

I wasnít even a station

on your line.

And the world

laughed at me

in my mind,

but it was just

the wings of my angels

flying away

from me.

"What a fool!

Letís leave him,

letís be the angels

of a dog."

Even angels flee

from such stupidity.

Godís love

stopped

where yours did.

Your "no" -

your "no" -

it changed me forever.

Somehow

it got deep inside of me;

and I never asked

again,

everyone became you,

and the rest of my life

was spent

avoiding "no"

by never asking.

I died alone.

But no one

ever told me

"No" again.

No one.

No oneÖ

 

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No: The Appendix

 

 

It wasnít just a no.

It was a no

to the tenth power,

a no with ten zeroes,

the kind of no

an astronomer would use.

"I get the point.

I wonít ask again."

It was that kind

of no.

 

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Fishbowl Love

 

 

Neither you

nor I

are living in the

sea.

This seems to be

the best match

in the fishbowl.

Donít worry,

youíre the one for me -

unless

someday,

somehow,

I manage to make it

back

into

the sea.

 

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Infatuation

 

 

Infatuation

is my normal state,

I canít help myself.

I canít hold

the liquor of another

human being.

And now itís you.

And now itís you.

 

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Itís Hard To Say No

 

 

Sometimes

youíre so mean.

I swear

Iíll keep my heart door

shut forever.

But then

you come knocking

on the door

with that smile

that brings

amnesia and light.

When you rise up from the night,

who remembers the darkness?;

and I just have to open up

again.

Itís hard to say no

to the sun.

 

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Creaking Ceiling

 

 

Creaking ceiling.

Itís you, on the floor above,

getting ready to go to work.

Itís like being

awakened

by a songbird

at dawn:

when the black

has just begun to

turn to gray,

because the sun is

coming.

I think of you

putting on your make-up,

trying on your clothes,

trying to make it in

this world.

And a strange sweet love

comes into my heart;

and I become

a prayer for you.

 

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What I Heard A Green-Leafed Tree, Where A Woman Hanged Herself, Say One Night  

 

 

I gave you

this beauty.

Why did you

hang yourself

from me?

 

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Let Me Put The Crown Back On Your Head  

 

 

Let me put

the crown back

on your head,

it's too heavy for you

to lift,

but you won't believe

how light it is

for you to wear.

Once it's on your head.

 

Let me put

the crown back

on your head.

Let me give you back

your kingdom

with my eyes,

let me be the secret mirror

that reflects

what's underneath

the mask of invisibility

they put on you,

the day they

were about to be

eclipsed.

Hold me up

to your

wounded face,

I'll show you

how beautiful it is

with my bewitched gaze,

loyal as a sunflower

to the sun.

 

Let me put

the crown back

on your head,

by loving you.

Let me open up your door

to yourself

by being the first

to surrender a whole country

to your soul,

I'll sail

away from all my plans

across the sea of loving helplessly,

with all the power

of being powerless,

I want

to be the first

to plant your flag

on the unknown continent

of you.

 

Let me put

the crown back

on your head.

I want to see

it shining

above your love-starved hair.

I want your halo

to belong to the world,

and the world to belong

to you, I want you on your throne,

not them,

not the impostors

who set dogs

on children,

I want you

to be the queen,

I want this to be your reign,

your land,

and your time.

 

Warlords roam

where crowns don't shine,

swords have all the power

where there is no

glow,

impostors are believed.

 

Let me put

the crown back

on your head.

Let the world know

you are more

than a flower that died

under the ground,

more than the roar of night

that was supposed to be day,

you are the ruler here,

ruler of your own shining heart

and the land

of those

who love the light,

those who have been waiting for you

in the darkness

of your not shining.

 

Let me put

the crown

back on your head.

 

By loving you.

 

By loving you.

 

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Crisis Of Confidence

 

 

Crisis of confidence.

That's all it is.

Nothing more,

nothing less.

The ocean doubting itself.

 

High tide is over,

it looks like I'll just

pull back

from the land

I was supposed to cover

until I disappear into myself forever.

Or maybe I'll be

evaporated.

The shining sun will work

against me.

There'll be nothing left but a giant

sun-baked pit

where I used to be

and they'll be able to walk

from one continent

to the other

without ever stopping for my magnificence,

without ever knowing what a wave is,

or waiting: the beauty of not

getting some place

because of something

more beautiful.

My surf,

my spray, my power,

my name which the shore cries out

like a lover overwhelmed,

my innocent pretence of infinity,

my unpredictable, deep miles

that make what I am between

seem precious,

my journey

which raises men,

it will all be gone,

you'll be without me,

and I'll be without you.

I just can't do it anymore,

the shore is falling away from me,

this time I might not be back,

I might not make it.

Tomorrow

will I still be the sea?

Without you,

will there still be a me?

 

Crisis of confidence.

That's all it is.

Nothing more,

nothing less.

The ocean

doubting itself.

 

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Singing

Whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

just checking

iím still here

songbird part

is still here

noise means

i am

My noise

I like it

so much better

than pavement being

ripped up

or someone

telling me

where to go

or what to do

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

just because

the sun came up

and i want

to be with it

though iím down here

but

singing

is a way

of flying

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

and i can

meet the sun

halfway

even

in my darkness

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

because i canít

stand the sound

of helicopters

i canít stand

the sound of my name

in other peopleís

mouths

i canít stand

lies

that screech

like train brakes

on the tracks

between my ears

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

flowers

open

with every note

of my song

Like the potterís hands

wet with clay

my soul

takes this miserable world

in the hands

of its

inner music

and tries to start again

tries to start again

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

limping

has such a beautiful

sound

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

the sun

has found

a part of itself

in me

and it is rising

and it is shining

in my night

My wound is

singing

singing

just a little

enough to go on longing

Missing what could be

Limping

never walking like the blind

with unfaltering steps

Limping

like the most beautiful

melancholy note

coming out of

truthís instrument

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

singing

on the edge

of another

day of sorrow

singing

singing

i donít know why

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

whirr-i-up

no excuse

just singing.

 

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